Aged care: Caring for the carer before breaking point

Caring for an ageing parent, partner or family member rarely begins with anyone making a formal decision to become a carer. It might start with a lift to an appointment, paying the bills, collecting groceries or helping with a meal. Then it can become medication, showering, housework, keeping an eye on someone overnight, helping them move safely around the home or making sure they are not left alone. Somewhere along the way, helping can become responsibility around the clock. And often, the person doing that caring does not immediately recognise that they may need support too. Lucie Flynn, Residential Manager at Southern Cross Care Young Residential Aged Care, said signs that a family carer may need more help could include stress, exhaustion, social withdrawal and a decline in their own wellbeing. “Family carers rarely receive help early,” Ms Flynn said. “People might find it difficult to navigate the system, while others might be reluctant to reach out for help. “Some people also have delayed self-identification and don't realise they need or would benefit from respite.” That is why respite should not be thought of only as something families turn to when they can no longer cope. A break does not have to mean days or weeks apart. For some carers, respite can simply mean another trusted person stepping in at home for a few hours so they can attend their own medical appointment, do the shopping, meet a friend, deal with other responsibilities or simply rest. For others, it can mean community or day respite where the older person spends time outside the home, often taking part in activities and social connection while their usual carer has time away. And for some families, respite can include a temporary stay in residential aged care when a longer break is needed. Respite can look different for every family Murrumburrah-Harden Flexible Care Services provides local respite options including support in the home and community-based care. Its service information explains that trained carers can provide in-home care when the usual carer is not present or needs a break. That can be particularly important for families who are not looking for residential care, but simply need someone else to step in safely for part of the day. The organisation also provides social and community support, including group activities, giving older people opportunities for connection while carers have time away. In Young, Mercy Care Centre Young’s Hennessy Recreational Day Centre offers social groups and activities, bus outings and community engagement opportunities, as well as carer respite services. The centre provides opportunities for older people to take part in activities and social connection outside the home, giving families another example of how support can look very different from an overnight or residential stay. Mercy Care Centre Young also provides a range of community services for older people, including community nursing, physiotherapy, occupational therapy and recreational therapy, helping people remain supported in the community. At the other end of the respite spectrum, Southern Cross Care Young provides residential respite when a bed is available. Ms Flynn said the facility was becoming increasingly flexible and accommodating in providing respite because of the importance of the service to local families. “But what that looks like depends on a range of factors including whether we have a bed available at the time that a family needs it,” she said. “If we have a bed available, we offer a minimum of three weeks respite. “This provides the carer with a decent break, the resident time to settle in, and our staff enough time to turn around the paperwork required.” That three-week arrangement is specific to Southern Cross Care Young and is one form of respite available locally rather than a general rule about respite care. Why do carers wait? One of the biggest challenges is that many carers keep going long after they first begin needing support. Sometimes they feel guilty about leaving the person they care for. Sometimes the older person does not want somebody else stepping in. Sometimes families believe they should be able to manage on their own. And sometimes they simply do not know what services exist or where to begin. Ms Flynn said respite support was often reactive rather than something families planned early. “Respite support is often reactive, reaching families long after they would first benefit from it,” she said. “Carers might find it difficult to navigate the system, not recognise their need for support, or postpone seeking help because they feel guilty or want to do it on their own.” Those barriers are reflected in national research. The 2025 Carer Wellbeing Survey found carers reported difficulties including finding quality respite, finding services locally, affordability, waiting times and access to funding. More than half also reported that the person they cared for did not want somebody else providing their care. But among carers who had used respite, many reported feeling refreshed afterwards and said the break allowed them to do things they needed to do. The message is not that every carer needs long periods away. It is that regular support can help prevent exhaustion from building to the point where a crisis forces families into decisions they were not ready to make. Do not wait for a crisis There does not need to be a fall, hospital admission or emergency before a family starts asking what respite might be available. Planning earlier gives families time to understand the system, arrange assessments where required, find out what services operate locally and consider what type of respite would suit both the older person and the person caring for them. It can also give an older person time to become comfortable with another worker, service or care environment before the need becomes urgent. Ms Flynn encouraged families who did not know where to begin to start a conversation with their GP. “We recommend family carers start the conversation with their GP who can assist them to go to the right places,” she said. Families could also approach Southern Cross Care Young directly to ask questions about residential respite. “We do have locals come in from time to time asking questions about respite and our team can help provide those answers,” she said. Where can families start? My Aged Care is the main entry point for older people seeking government-funded aged care support, including respite services that may require an assessment. It can be contacted on 1800 200 422. Carer Gateway is a separate service focused specifically on supporting unpaid carers. Support can include counselling, coaching, peer support and assistance with planned or emergency respite. Carer Gateway can be contacted on 1800 422 737. The important thing for families to remember is that they do not need to understand every part of the aged care system before they make that first call. And carers do not need to reach breaking point before asking for a break. “The message is: ask questions and seek help early,” Ms Flynn said. “Family carers perform an incredible role and deserve rest and support. “When we support family carers, we support the people they love because caring for the carer lets them show up as their best.”